boo hooo..

this has juz so not not been my week at all..I knew it the moment I woke up on Monday..i had a feeling!! I so wished that I was mistaken..that it was juz me bein all paranoid and stuff..and trust me i can get pretty paranoid..i mean it hasn’t been THAT bad..but still I am counting down til my Saturday comes knocking on my door..

have I told you all what a pathetic excuse of a weekend I have??? well if I haven’t let me enlighten you..if i have..juz bear with me..i can go on and on forever..but i promise i shall keep it as short as possible this time..k see here..i have lectures on Saturday til 5 pm..so there goes my Saturday mornings and afternoons..then there is of course Saturday night which anywhere else on Earth except for this forsaken place would definitely compensate for half my Saturday in the bin knowing that Saturday nights are all I need to make every 52 weekends in the year something to look forward to!! bu-bu-bbuu-buut not here..firstly there are limited places to go to and even more scarce things to do..secondly even if I do have something on I have a curfew and past that curfew I would have to come back ringing on the doorbell of my hostel..and the guard now literally stares daggers at me everytime I walk into the front door because of the many countless times I woke him up to open the door for me..to the extent he even told my roommate to tell me not to go out at night..that it’s not good to come back late..blah blah..u know the normal lectures you ‘used’ to get back home..even my parents are past that man..he is in desperate need of a life..due to HIM I have been coped up in the hostel the past few weeks trying to restraint any tempting activities that require me to return to the hostel after lock-in time..once he basically opened the door..screamed some blardee impossible to understand Russian in my face and slammed the door in my face..i was stunnedfor a good few minutes!! but of coz when i snapped back to relaity there was nothing else to do but keep ringing and begging to be let in..can u imagine?? well I know it sounds pathetic but hey im not sleeping on the streets man..i even called for back-up..asking my friends in the hostel to get ready in case he gave me any trouble and if they still couldn’t handle him well..worse come to worse I shall just have to climb up to my window..how hard can it be?? I always see it being done in the movies..right right?? chillax..that was my very last desperate option..but not 2 worry he has a soft heart behind all that gruff jeepers creepers exterior and mind-boogling 1000 dB lectures..

Sunday is the only day I have all to myself before Monday comes dragging the rest of the week with it..and here we go again..soooooooooo much for my weekend huh?? lolz..are you guys all grateful for not being me?? you should be..you better be!! if you see me..dont u ever dare complain about your weekends ok..because your sob story just cant possibly compete with mine..so don’t even bother trying..you’ll end up regretting it..sitting for hours on end hearing me drown in my own self-pity..it’s not a very pretty sight..dont say I didn’t warn you!

I’m not saying that I dread my weekend..just that I know it could be sooooooo much better..but beggars cant be choosers..so of coz I look forward to my Saturday nights..it’s better than no Saturday nights..but the fact that most ppl here tend to turn to alcohol on Saturdays..well take it form me..you just cant blame them..it’s cheap it’s easy to get it gets you high it takes away your troubles for that insie bitty moment and you can drink it in the hostel!! well of course you don’t come walking in through the front door with vodka bottles in your hands..hello!!!

so anyway..this Saturday Dev is having a cocktail party..” 70’s theme”..i’m veryyy veryy veryy looking forward to it!!!!! especially after what a week this has been..i just need a break..and since my so-called weekend limits my activitites..i need a par-teeeh to kill any trace of last week and prepare me for a whole new next week..i’d like to say that things cant possibly get worse than this week..but then let's juz say it does..OH GAWDD..i juz cant imagine..*i need a brainwash* sigh..all I know is there is a possibility that it might get worse..but hey..life is like a hourglass..you just got to wait for something or someone to come and turn it around..ya know?? be optimistic and vry very VERY very patient..!! I know whoever that has seen me around this week would say I was far from optimistic..sometimes I know you see a dark cloud hovering over my head but in my head I am optimistic!! I’m that much closer to the end of the week..now even if the thought doesn’t put a smile on my face it gets me through the week..

oh by the way I found my jacket..yes there is a higher power and He is on my side :) how do i explain what a %^&&*# week I had in relative to what i juz said..well look at it this way..He wont put obstacles in front of me unless He is sure I will be able to overcome it eventually..this week is just one of those obstacles I guess..and look on the bright side..i'm almost over and done with it..i can see the lightt at the endddd of the tunnel!!!

on a subconscious note..i saw him twice this week..1^st time I saw him I juz frozed up and I kinda stared without knowing it mind you!! The minute I realized I just turned around and hid in the café..pathetic right?? I just don’t know how to face him anymore..what to say?? how to act?? It just wont be the same like last time..i’m sure he would be different too and im not too sure how im going to handle it..it’s ok if I THINK I know he is going to act differently..but him actually acting different in real-life in front of me..well..seriously..i wouldn’t know what I would do..will I break down..will I get teary-eyed..will I get angry..honestly I don’t know..and as of now..i’m just not ready to find out yet..2^nd time I saw him..today..i was just looking at the swarm of ppl coming out of the lecture hall..you know looking but nOT looking at the same time..it’s like you are just staring into space unfortunately just in that direction you know..and then..somehow..i saw him..our eyes met and I just looked away without acknowledgement and walked away..sighh..i hate to admit this to myself but yes..i am still angry at him..I know I cant exactly blame him for anything..if I were to drag him to court I would lose..but just for putting me in this situation..im angry..at him at me..life used to be so simple..how the hell did it get so complicated?? I know I said I wasn’t angry..said I didn’t care..but what the hell was I suppose to do?? what I wanted was so wrong..so I did the right thing (at least I thought I was doing the ‘right’ thing) and now here I am..I know some of you think I 'won'..but why do I feel like I lost?

oh by the way..i guess the gundumama survived the take-off..I’m here even if I don’t blog as often as all of you hope I would..well mind you..i DO have a life :) I’m not saying that all you bloggers out there do not..it’s just that you guys have much more will-power than I have..once I reload I will just use and use and use..til I’m out of credit..then I’ll try to withstand reloading til I’m about to break..and then when I do..i just use and use and use..sigh..it’s a very vicious cycle..it used to be the same way with my hp credit..i guess better on this than on my hp..trust me on that..i was out of control last time..for reasons i would not like to remember..

Clemmie how was KL?? did you send my regards to the nasi lemak at the mamak nearby IMU?? I’m sure Cherie would have brought you there..were u there on Sunday?? Dim-sum?? *sigh* how I wished I could have teleported myself back..moreover this time you wouldn’t be all the way at the other side of the world..ok figuratively speaking..last time Wangsamaju was the other end of the world to me oK..we would have been so closeee!!! could have gone to so many new places considering the situation..i could pick you up..and not drop you off at some LRT station..oh well..i just hoped you had a great time..i will remember tho ”Red Label” without me..!! :( looking forward to anything interesting that might have happened that night!! *winks* especially if it involves dirt on lai..or anything I can use against him when I go back..muahahahha..*evil grin*

I got major tomorrow..damnn..why cant this week just END!

end end end end end end end enddd!!!

btw did i ever tell you guys how i dread Russian classes..well if i haven't..I DOO!!! i alwaz end up spacing out..daydreaming..taking pictures..falling alseep..the pic..me and my roomie in Russian..i was so sleepy!!!! as u can see i was fighting a losing battle while my roomie..well the pic speaks for itself..hehe..i hope my Russian teacher doesnt see it..she's so skema it juz kills me!!

the other pics..the gurls b4 we went for Surgery..hope this will last u til next week..i shall be back!! *hugz*