Saturday, May 16, 2009

beyond the horizon

Lately, I've been thinking a lot. I know I always think a lot even about the tiniest thing whose effect might not even leave a dent in my life in the future. Now more than ever. I've ventured on to the subjects I usually do not ponder on. Like my future. I mean like 'DUH!!!' I have thought about my future but never too far along the line. I would rather have short-term goals rather than long-term ones. Goals I know I can achieve within a few years, goals whose finish lines I can picture in my head. Because if I had long term goals my head would be thinking about the short term ones and the long term ones at the same time and somewhere along the way they might clash. Then what?? Choose between my goals?? Which I would rather have?? What if I cannot choose?? What if I don't want to?? Sooner or later I will short circuit the 5% of my brain I use. Plus I like to think I live by the saying 'go with the flow'. I can't see past every bend of road in the journey of my life so I'll take every stretch before and after each bend as it comes and not worry about it from the time I begin my journey. Probably the only constant goal I have in my life is to succeed in everything I commit to. But the choices which goals to commit to, that belongs into the short-term category. 

I realize I turn to my blog everytime I have personal conflict of interest or when I can't seem to talk to anyone about the things roaming in my head. Probably because sometimes I don't even understand them. How do I talk about something I cannot comprehend or something I'm sure I cannot put into words so ppl can understand. In the end you would think I'm an escapee from the looney bin. 

I wish I had a friend with Chuck's ability. I can just say a word or a phrase and he/she would flash and get me. Life would be so easy. Maybe then he/she can explain what I am feeling or thinking. I can't believe I'm referring to myself as the intersect. An abstract collection of thoughts memories without emotion. Or am I more like it then I allow myself to imagine?


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