i'm on a roll...

3 times in 1 day

who whud have ever thought it possible??? (do not underestimated me!)

but sean reminded me how good it was to ROFLMAO..i juz had to spread the lurvee..

I was blinded for almost 2 minutes coz my eyes wouldn't stop watering!!

sh• t says:
ghosts dont hv a form per se, however it did take the form of the very hot miss maxim belgium iris maris
aNGie says:
sape tu?
sh• t says:
haha some hot model on the calendar in my room lol
aNGie says:
omG
aNGie says:
ur such a guy
aNGie says:
lol
sh• t says:
lol what hv u think of me all this time?!

plz ppl..i promised him if i published this blog i whud make sure u wouldnt' laff AT him..but if u do end up laffing..imagine yourself ROFLMAO-ing togethergether with him k..at least try..worse come to worse..pretend!!! it's my ass on the line NOT urss..if not i shall block u from my blog!! (btw is that possible??)

do NOT hurt his feelings..i owe him that much for cracking me up after wat seems like 4ever..

you have been warned! ROAR!

I want to belong!

I was browsing through shing's blog and just realized how much i could relate to some of the things she said..

and then it struck me that all the times I'd been wallowing in self pity about my so-called complicated soap-opera issues that had broken me into a million pieces, I was really being just one thing: Idiotic.

my life has been reduced to nothing but a sad routine..

It's funny sometimes, you realise you don't really know who the people who are REALLY close to you are anymore...

I hope it was ok to quote u..don't sue me k..i'm giving u free publisity! :) I hope it makes u feel better that you're not alone tho.. But seriously lately no matter how pathetic i know it may seem I have seriously been wallowing in a LOT of self-pity..more than the normal daily dosage..this has to stop! now.

now the question is how?? ppl say the problem doesn't lie in your surroundings but in you yourself and how you react to your surroudings..so plz tell me what am i doing wrong here? is it really me?? even my mum asked when i told her how bored i have been recently.."are u bored because u have nothing to do? or are you bored with yourself?" the question totally caught me off-guard..and until today i'm still trying to figure out which variant it is..

of late..there has been a thought swimming around in my lil head..MMA? to go..or not to go..to go..or not to go..I feel like I've given my all to this place and that it has given me all it has to offer too..so now i want more..more than what it can possibly ever give me..but it's a big decision..a big choice..once made i cannot turn back..and it scares the living daylights out of me..after F5 I have been hopping from place to place..somehow never seemed to ever feel like i belonged..even here eventhough it's been almost 3 yrs..there are countless times when i feel like i so do NOT belong..that this is not where i am suppose to be..could it be the course I'm studying? *gasps*

oK before I get ahead of myself here..let's not ponder on things I cannot change..meaning the course sticks..but just think about it..Moscow vs Kursk..Kurks vs Moscow..I need to redefine the meaning of life in my dictionary..could MMA be the key?

ps, I'm not flunking any of my subjects here oK neither am i running away from anything..I juz need more in life so when i graduate i won't look back on all the wasted years filled with empty holes of what-could-have-beens & missed-out-experiences..I want solid rock-ass memories that i can tell my cucu cicits about..

I have 2 months and counting to make up my mind so when i go back to Msia I can sit my parents down for discussion and set in motion all the paperworks..I want to but I'm scared..scared of the unknown..scared that I might regret moving..took me a while to settle in2 the routine and all..but then isn't that one of my problems in the first place to begin with..routine routine routine..

the hardest part would be parting with my friends..

but like shing said..it's funny how sometimes u don't seem to know who the ppl who are suppose to be really close to u are anymore..not so much as funny..more like hurtful..especially at times when u just need them to be there..

I don't want u to think of me as juz one of your other friends who unload all their problems on you..I know you got your own problems to deal with..and sometimes u just can't handle everything..I nv planned to unload on you but then you'd be surprise by just how much your presence lightens my load..well that was when you were around anyway..

change is alwaz good..change of place..change of ppl..change of culture..as long as we don't change (not 4d worse anyway :P ) change is even more needed in dire situations where without change we change..I don't want to but this place juz might change me..I need out now!

You need to do this for you..put your friends aside for a moment & ask yourself angie what do YOU want?

you..

sometimes i so totally get you
other times i just don't at all

what is the problem?
me?
what did i do that was so bad?
til u won't even come back?

whatever it was
i'm sorry
but seriously
i juz can't stand this anymore

you say ppl alwaz treat u like a dustbin
but just stop to think about this
the way you are treating me
at the moment
is worse than even that

whatever it is
i just would like to know
i don't want to be left hanging
and worse yet
the last to know
thank you.

Dr House wannabe

Saturday night

I went to bed like it was any other night but i was deceived!

Thoe boogieman left me something while i was ZzzZzz-ing..

Sunday morning

I woke up early..imagine that!! Why u ask??? coz my foot HURT!!!

1^st I thought --> probably some kinda mutated pin & needles thingy..but the sec my right foot touched the ground I was in excrutiating pain..i can’t remember the last time I felt this much pain!!! Pain pain paiiinnnnnnnnn!!! P-A-I-N!!! (plus a few more !!!)

But as the optimist that I am (I AM!!! no matter wat u think!) in my head --> it will be better tomoro..it will it will..i lurve u dear foot..u'll be finee..I even prepared for class on Monday! Semangat sial!

Monday

If yesterday’s pain was excrutiating..today’s one was beyond even words..

When I was in the toilet..i swear I even sweared..it was an impulse thingy..there was juz too much pain for censorship..

Obviously I couldn’t go to class..it was so NOT fun especially since I was practically bed-ridden the whole day..it's totally fine if ur bodyached and u can barely lift ur head OR ur competely high on drugs..then the bed would be like heaven on earth BUT when ur totally fine except that ur foot juz cant be move to prevent any un-needed and totally un-wanted pain..it's juz downrightt BORING i tell u..it was juz my bed, my leg with frozen sausages (cold compress oK! don't laff..it totally works!) and me with my microb notes..

my roomie concluded it was archiles tendon bursitis..there waz a moment b4 this when the possibility of gout was swimming around somewhere..i know i know..GOUT??? but hell when u juz wake up one day with ur foot practically unusable with no reasonable cause..every unreasonable one seems that much lesss unreasonable..

It juz couldn't happen to me at a better time..tomoro I have an Anatomy Conference & Microb Major so even if I have to crawl to uni I have no other choice..somebody juz shoot me!

Tuesday

It took me almost 45 minutes to get from my hostel to uni..about 15 minutes was spent waiting for the bus tho..but still!!! If u saw me..it would be like watching a movie in slowww motion..u'd be laffing ur head off..i definitely whud!

I decided to go and see the doctor..was too damn paranoid coz my groupmate was telling me about his fren who had the almost the same thing and til today he still can’t walk properly..i would juz diee..my life whud juz end..no offence to all those who actually make a living without complete use of both their legs..i have nothing but total admiration for u all..but I am juz not that strong..i juz wouldn't be able to take it..i know how weak & pathetic this makes me sound but i need BOTH my legs!

I couldn’t understand half the things the doc said but he didn’t seem to worried..phweeew!

I am suppose to go for physiotherapy for the next 5 days..keywords : suppose to..

Let me ask u something..first he told me to try put as litlle weight as possible on my foot..but to get to the hospital I need to take a bus and from there I still have to walk quite some distance to the hospital..so all this walking..wasn’t it something I was suppose to avoid in the 1^st place?? The hospitals here like to make their patients walk as if they weren’t sick in the first place to begin with..up n down and up n down..it’s like the different departments aren’t in one building but in different buildings in walking distance to one another BUT not exactly that close..and somemore when ur sick even moving 1cm is like a momumentous achievement..i think it might be something mental..mentally u muz think ur not sick or at least try to mentally force yourself to act as if u were as healthy as an ox..unless u want to drop dead on the roadside in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Kursk in the middle of Russia while trying to get to the doctor..??

A close fren told me now he understands why house is house

It seems eversince I hurt my foot I have become a house prodigy

Can u blame me?? My foot hurts!! and he is way up there in my list of role models so it was more a compliment than an insult :P

Wednesday

The cream the doc told me to apply is a miracle cream!!! I’m cured!!! Yesterday it would seem close to impossibility that today my foot could feel this good..uh huh!!

The best part??? The doc will still gimme an MC next Tuesday when I go for checkup so this means that I actually don’t have to go for classes!!!! this is my silver-lining.. :) I proclaim this week Russian-free for me!!! I totally loathe Russian class..a waste of my one and a half hours a day 3 days a week..so this week i have become 4 and a half hours richer..ching chingzzz!

The week suddenly looks so much brighter!! :)

Thursday

the dark cloud has returned..

my foot is juz fine btw (tQ 4 askin)

juz that everything else is ShiAtZ!

Friday

I studied everything but those 3 little topics..and out of the 3 questions she asked me 2 of them were the 3 that i didn't study..like i said..dark cloud..what happened to my so much brighter 4 and a half hours richer week??? :( shiatz shiatz SHIATZ shiatz! I wanna go home..

rainforest 2007

pics from my last rainforest 2003 (as u can see..it's been a while) and another 'borrowed' from soph (2005)

for the past few years i have only been able to hear about how great it was..about all the things i missed out on..the saying 'there was no party without u' juz doesnt apply to rainforest..anyone who manages end up there..cant possibly NOT have fun..it's juz such an impossibility! i don't blame u..i've been there..SO rest assured..i don't blame ya all for having fun without me..but this year it's MY turn!! *evil grin*

believe it or not..my roomie and i have been planning this even b4 our egypt trip..i don't mean b4 actually going on our egypt trip but rather b4 even planning the trip itself..and looked how well that turned out..(if u don't already know..well now u do!)

but i have a feeling that this will be soo soooooooo muchhh better!!!

tickets...check...room...check...booze...double check...

13th july 2007 here i come!!!!!!!!!

help me!!

i'm not hungry..but i juz can't stop eating..

help!!!

little miss addict

i have a confession
i'm an addict
i have been sober never

the worst part

i don't want to stop!

due to unforseen circumstances *cough* *OC* *cough* i didn't go to my nursing surgery class this morning..don't get me wrong..i DID wake up. ask my roomie if u don't believe me :P i juz couldn't seem to stay awake very long and the fact that i didn't prepare for the class or didn't even have any material watsoever for the class got me thinking..and i decided..actually i think i actually fell back to sleep b4 i actually had enough time to make up my mind..lolz..

but guess wat?? my groupmates cancelled class..how lucky can I get?? oK do NOT answer..u might jinx it!!

pssssssssssssssssst..guess wat else i found out today..the guard i despise or rather whom despises me is no longer in charge of my hostel..everyone gimme an OHH YEEAAAAA!!! *ohh yeeaaaaa!!!* got 2 new guards whom according to my sources are very sporting compared to ol Hagrid (old guard's nickname) SOOOOO u guys do know what this means right?? my weekends already seem less miserable & pathetic *mischievious grin*

some of the pics i managed to track down..enJoY!! *hugz*

i swallowed a frog!

what's with my voice u ask?? now..let me ask u..what's with my voice?? *lifts eyebrows* i think it's sexy..u don't like it..i guess you're lucky then u don't sound like me :)

i've been in a very pissy mood these past few days..PMS-ing?? sometimes i think PMS has become such an overused excuse it juz doesnt carry any weight anymore..u'd think after we gurls have been going thru it every month that we'd have better control over our hormones..and so yea it might be impossible to directly control our hormones consciously..but what i mean to say is more control of how we react to the way our hormones make us feel..it's like when u see a ball coming directly at u..at first u might not know what hit u..but eventually when u see a ball coming u'll duck..BUT wat some of u especially guys don't understand is..oK now i'm juz speaking for myself..some gurls might agree with me..others might not..the best way to know what is exactly going on in their minds..ask them.

anyway..my excuse for being PMS-sy is sometimes it's juz too much work to have total control of myself..the way i act or react in situations especially when my hormonal balance is off the charts..so much work sometimes it's so much easier to let them take over..of coz there will be consequences for all my actions..I'm not trying to put the total blame on PMS..I take full responsibility for all my actions..ALL of them..it's juz sometimes when i do not have mood to layan..do not push it ok..leave me alone..if i do not have mood to explain myself..gimme a break..eventually when i feel better i will tell u everything u want to know..all in good time..u juz got to know when to back off..

sometimes there are juz no answers..or explanation..why am i doing this?? why am i feeling this way?? even I do not always have the answers..all i know is i AM at the moment feeling that way..like today since i got back from the carnival i juz felt depressed and down..i juz wanted to do absolutely nothing..so i drowned myself in all 6 remaining episdoes of 'One Tree Hill'..somehow this particular series has a way of making me feel better..during the end of last summer when i was lower than low..it was 'One Tree Hill' whom i turned to too..funny huh..it's my own way of therapy..but now that i finished all..i juz don't know what to do..i want to do nothing..but i'm bored juz doing nothing..(ps..i nv said i was an easy person to understand!)..

-analysing session-

topic of discussion : depressed & down

reason for feeling this way --> mainly because the blueberry pie i reserved was given away..accidentally of course..but still it didn't make me feel a whole lot better..ching hua u shud be proud..ur pie was so good it made me emotional! :)

part where i also can't explain --> now don't get me wrong..i was upset but of coz not at jane OR ching hua..too many ppl + too many orders = chaoz..it's normal to lose count..i don't blame anyone..i don't..i was juz upset la..it's normal..but the disturbing part..the extent to which i was upset..i thank dev and arveen for putting up with me the entire time..lolz..eventhough i know they don't understand how i could make a piece of cake upset me that much..now..here is the part where i say..PMS..because even i can't explain how..i can only tell u it juz did..

solution --> One Tree Hill

still don't get me?? oh well..join the club..i've been trying for the past 20 plus years of my life and what an adventure it has been! all u dear bored pancakes out there are alwaz welcomed to join the ride! that is........if u dare..lolz..don't worry..it's FOC!

sweet sweet victory

i saw Him today!!! and u know what..I'm over him..I amm!! YESS!!!! *jumping up n down with joy* oh joy joy!!!!! ok i know i'm suppose to be SOOO over him like soooo long ago..but u know after everything that we have been through you juz cant blame me for holding back some of the feelings i had..it's not like i wanted to..it's juz hard to let go sometimes..but time heals all..it's true..a month or so ago..if someone had told me that..in my mind ---> BULLSHIT!!! nv whud i expect to be able to be completely over him..which i am i am i AMMM nowww!!!! wooohoooo..i need to celebrate..!! ok i know i always say that i am over him blah blahh..but ppl alwaz tell me life is what u make it..and if i tell ppl and myself over and over again that i am..eventually i will be!! which i AM noww..haahhahahahhahahahaa..oh joyous joyyy..

how do i know?? easy..when u stand in front of the person..and u dont wish for hell to swallow him up..you dont wish for him to trip and fall..and gawd no..u dont wish for him to sweep u off your feet once again..u dont wish to hide behind all his sugar-coated lies..actually u dont feel nothing..i dont mean feel numb..juz indifferent..no grudges..no hopes..nothing..MAN it felt goood!!! *relieve*

you know how when u see a random stranger and then he kinda catches ur eye..even more electrifying when u exchange one of those eye contact thingy magig..it's not a typo..i mean magig NOT magic..anyway where was I..right right..then he juz refuses to exit ur mind..completely hogs ur thinking space..u keep replaying over n over the moment u saw him..the moment he caught u looking..blah blah..then this will probably go on for a few days..maybe even weeks..it becomes even more intense when somehow u cant seem to run into him..like they say absence makes the heart grow fonder..but then the next time when u actually DO meet the person..reality *BANGS* hits u..he turns out to be nothing like what u expected at all..it could be for the better..it could be for the worse..but that's life..it's a 50-50 chance..u got to be willing to take the risks..sooo..are YOU game??

p/s, it would help if u didnt raise the expectation bar too high..we are all only human..and i for one know how imperfect i can be..but b4 u start listing my countless flaws..plz take a good look in the mirror 1st! :)

the 70s show

that was the theme..70s/beach..i soooooo wasn't dressed compared to the rest..well i DID try to put as much effort as i could into it..AT LEAST i dressed up..usually for bday parties in my hostel i go in PJs..sooooooooo..note the -effort-!

-before the party-

had lecture til 5pm..

5.30pm..went for handball..

7.10pm..was walking back from handball past 5th hostel when ann called me..oopps!! *blush* i was suppose to call her so we could walk back to my hostel together..it totally slipped my mind..luckily she called me at the nick of time..soooooooo i backtracked all the wayyy back..she said she would be down in 2 minutes..it was 2 realllllllllllllly long minutesss..

7.20pm..we decided to walk back to my hostel instead of using the bus..i didnt mind..i love walking especially now when the weather is juzzz too perfect for words..not hot and not too cold!! if only it would stay like this all year roundd..chunnn weii!!

7.30pm..dropped by 'evropa' on the way back coz ann had to buy juice for the party

8.00pm..arrived back in the room..changed clothes..took the pot and popcorn and up i went to 5th floor to make popcorn for the party..i alwaz thought u needed an oven to make popcorn..well guess what!!! u juz need a stove and a pot and of coz butter..oil if u are out of butter..and wa laaaa..instant popcorn!

amidst the corn popping..chong was making sushi..he was running late..he took on more orders than he could handle..so i AS USUAL decided to help out..sigh..wat to do..it's just in my nature to help others...chehhh wahhhh..self praise is no praise..doesnt stop me tho..lolz!

10.30pm..still stuck in the kitchen..actually..arveen was the one making the popcorn..i was juz being kepo kepo giving my opinions about what should be done even though i have no clue whatsoever..he's the one who's made popcorn b4..the closest i have been to making popcorn is about 1m in fornt of the TV screen :) btw the part WAS suppose to start at 10.30pm..

11pm plus plus..finally DONE!! rushed back to bath..i thought i was latee but in the end i was the one waiting for some of the rest to get ready..while waiting..as u can see in the pic..zzZzzzZZzz..was too tireddd..can u blame me?? are u blinddd?? didnt u read the WHOLE list of what i did from 5 til now..??

but of coz..i wouldn't have missed dev's birthday even if my whole body felt as if a bus had juz made road-kill out of me..all i needed was a lil alcohol to take the pain away..it workss!! but the next day..you realized it was in fact the -...- (i kinda forgot the name of the truck..u know those HUGE trucks that ppl hitch hike on all the time in movies along the US interstate highwaysss..the ones where the movies alwaz protray the drivers as really hamsap ppl..u get the idea right??) and not a bus that was the culprit..

BUT did I have fun?? Yesss..of coz..duh!!! hahahhaa..with the right music & the right company..anything goes!! and I seriously don’t like vodka..tastes like spirit..i know it’s spirit but smells & tastes like the kinda thing u use to dilute paint..u know..ewww..but last night they mixed the cocktails til I could barely taste the 'turpentine'..it was perfectt!! :) and the strawberry milkshake that Raj did was superb!!

let the pictures speak for themselves..oh right..u'll see them once i track them down..*grinz* keep your fingers crossed that i DO manage to do so..

on another note altogether..

Moscow games end of this month..still deliberating if i should go..i mean i DO want to and all..i seriously do enjoy playing handball and these competiitions alwaz give me the adrenaline rush i get high on..but it's too expensive when u actually think about it..having to pay almost close to RM800 for 2 days..i could use that money to cover my flight to Thailand and I have been looking fwd to it eversince Dette put the possibility of it in my headdd..!! rave -vs- moscow games..honestly when I see it this way it isnt much of a dilemma..lolz..but if i could have both..*dreaming* asking too much??? sigh..

should i go should i not go should i go should i not go..i know i shouldnt but it doesnt make me NOT want to any less..omG i feel my BP going up juz thinking about it..if i get a heart attack and die..i'd like all u pancake lovers to know its been great knowing each & everyone of u and i lurveeee u all..every bits and pieces of ya..*big round of hugs* anyone for 2nds?